Wednesday, December 05, 2007

the UK rail service sucks big, floppy donkey dicks

So, I have to catch a train every day to Exeter and back. Its an arse. I hate it. I would move to Exeter for the convenience, let alone for my eco-warrior credentials. However, I have 9 months left of my PhD, my wife and I have a house in Plymouth and there simply isn't any point when there's little or no guarantee I'll have a job there in 9 months time.

So I get the train. Every day. For an hour each way. Plus a 10 minute walk Exeter-side and a at least 15 minutes (more like 45 out of rush hour) on the bus the other- or 15 minutes if my lovely wife comes and gets me.

So, do you get the impression that I hate travelling? Well you're wrong. I fucking LOATHE IT!!!!!

Put it this way, when I was at uni (for ~ 7 years), I never lived more than 7 minutes walk from campus. Several years consecutively I lived less than 60 seconds jog from the concrete of the univeristy campus. I believe in living in the same neighbourhood as your job. I really do!

So. I hate travelling. Which is why, after I ran for the train from Exeter tonight- after checking the departure time via National Rail Enquiries as I normally do and judging that I had a ~90 second window on the 11 minute walk to Exeter St Davids, as I normally do- I was fucking irate to watch the guard blow the 2nd whistle as I tripled-stepped the stairs to the platform. The 1st whistle shuts the doors, the 2nd is the departure signal. What happened? My system has been flawless for the last 2 months, so why did it fail me this evening?

As would be expected from these pages, I was keen to register my displeasure. I ranted at the guard. I even swore in his presence. (He pointed out that he was not happy with people swearing in front of him. I pointed out that I was fine with it). I went to the station manager and asked why the train had left early ( the train departed bang on 18:45- the time that was given on the departure boards and the time that was given on the NRE real time website. He couldn't understand my frustration and tried to argue that the train had left on time so I demanded an address to write to, ignored his protestations and stormed out. I went to the pub and drank beer until the next train arrived 50 minutes later.

My wife observed when she picked a slightly drunk, tired me up from Plymouth train station some time later that the "expected" times that are given on the departure board are the "expected" departure times, just as the "expected" times on the arrivals board are the "expected" arrival times. I thought this was totally whack! Why have two different points of reference? I thought that most people would solely be interested in the arrival times of the trains. Why would you want to know the departure time of the train you're rushing to get when aiming to get there for the arrival time gives you a comfortable 2 minute window? More to the point, why confuse the shit out of poor dumbasses like me by supplying more than one point of reference?!?! AAAAAAAARARARARARARGAGAGRARAHGARHGRHGGHHGGHGHHG!!

I can't believe I have lived my life and rarely, if ever missed a train, without distinguishing between these two. I'm boring you now, I know. (In fact, if you're still reading this- fuck off and do something more productive you fuckwit mincer! There are people starving and dying out there!)

1 comment:

  1. It is even worse than Mrs Bloggette suggests. There are TWO OFFICIAL timetables: The PUBLISHED timetable and the WORKING timetable. The working time can be up to two minutes later than the published time. If the train departs later than the published time but at or before the working time then it has left on time. I even know why........but you're right....there are people starving .....and a donkey's dangler to lick.....

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