Saturday, August 14, 2010

irony

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Here is an email exchange I had yesterday with 'Tory', a proudly conservative colleague who has just finished his PhD.

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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 15:33

To: Everyone
Subject: who is on weekend duty?

Hi,

I have a special request for whoever is on weekend duty. Could they contact me or can someone tell me who it is?

Thanks,

Punkscience

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From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 15:42
To: Punkscience
Subject: RE: who is on weekend duty?

!

Is it a request to wallpaper your bee houses with copies of the Guardian..?! :-P

Tory

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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 15:46
To: Tory


NO! With pages from The Spirit Level, actually.

;~D

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From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:02
To: Punkscience

Good lord. Whatever theories will they come up with next?!

Does this book actually dare to suggest that the poor, uneducated skivvies are equal to us towering academic giants? Fools.

Pfffffffff

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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:09
To: Tory

No. No it doesn't. That would be preposterous! Pffftttt

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From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:19
To: Punkscience

I'm glad you agree. After all, who on earth would want to consider themselves equal with so many people who "find Pop Challenge In Your Eyes-Enders entertaining..." thereby forsaking their own "personal intellectual development"?!

[~NB: Here 'Tory' is actually throwing my own words from a previous exchange back at me.~]

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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:22
To: Tory

EXACTLY!

I couldnt care less but pathetic liberal tree huggers are encouraging terrorists because the country is full!... True patriots must promote marriage...

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From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:26
To: Punkscience

F**k the country. The world is full!! The end is nigh , the end is nigh... Just strap yourself in and pray you come out the other side.

_____________________________________

From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:38
To: Tory

I have been realising over the past few years that soft-touch Britain is taking our country away from us. True patriots must send them packing. Its time to revolt people.

_____________________________________

From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:40
To: Punkscience

Hey, I think these guys agree with you Chris: [~link to the BNP removed~]

________________________________________

From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:44
To: Tory

all right-thinking peopleknow that the pc nazis are stealing my cartax because our culture has been emasculated! the only solution is to go round their houses with a pair of pliers and a can of petrol.

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From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:47
To: Punkscience

We may actually agree about something... I detest the current drive for everything to be PC and the insidious creep of litigation that has slunk across the Atlantic.

I saw [~name~] and [~name~] last night and he has had to go on several 'Diversity' courses recently. The details beggar belief.


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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:53
To: Tory

I read in the Sun that benefits cheats are trying to kill us all because nobody has the guts to stand up to them! Read my lips: have two strikes and you're out. You heard it here first!!

________________________________________

From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 16:54
To: Punkscience

I read the same thing!! Benefit cheats and foreigners.

Now, where's the number for that lawyer...

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From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 17:01
To: Tory

It makes me sick! does anyone realise that criminals are inviting in paedohpiles and AIDs. End this madness now build more prison, lock em up and throw away the key. GREAT britain is going to the dogs!!

________________________________________

From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 17:02
To: Punkscience

Is that why you're escaping to NZ?!

________________________________________
From: Punkscience
Sent: 13 August 2010 17:47
To: Tory

No!!.. .Im not being rcaist but ethnics are getting freebies because they have been incompetent since day 1. Simple answer: build more prisons lock em up and throw away the key. What would Churchill say?!??

________________________________________

From: Tory
Sent: 13 August 2010 17:02
To: Punkscience

Now I'm not quite sure if you're actually being serious or not...


You might have noticed that all of my replies from 16:22 onwards are copied directly from spEak You're bRanes' glorious Twat-O-Tron. It took 'Tory' six consecutive replies to become suspicious of my responses. Which is rather telling.

8 comments:

  1. Yeah, and now I'm getting suspicious! Man! You're devious!






    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahahaha! What you don't realise is that I'm really Tony Blair!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Repeat their own libertard shit for long enough to them (even in irony mode) and a Tory will start to think you're one of them; a kind of mutual masturbation Stockholm syndrome seems to kick in. Since the Times paywall you can see it all over the CIF boards at the Guardian.

    There's something creepily narcissistic about the Tory psyche, that when they're talking to each other it's like a kind of neo-lib wank ring, a narrative that seems specific to Tories which is very boarding school.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brian just reminded me of where I was when we witnessed the eclipse in Devon (8 or so years ago). I was in a little village called Brixton, and I happened to find myself amongst some middle-class twats, one of them was an antiques dealer and retired military man who actually took me serious when I was talking about a compulsory cadet force across the country. Having said that, gullibility isn't just a Tory thing - look at those Labour supporters who still believe Blair is a socialist! (Cherie said so in an article or book).

    If you're Blair, am a monkey's uncle! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brian's dead right about Tory's mutual ego-masturbation. I enjoy trying to lure them into intiating just such a wank ring by dropping suggestive statements into casual conversation to see if I can get them started. Eg. "Of course, if we had the American's healthcare system we'd all be far better off." Then I play them for a couple of lines to see if they're really dumb enough to start ejaculating their bigotry in public or whether they're the more hedgy type with traces of tact and a subtle appreciation of how loathsome most humans find their ideology.

    Occasionally you get ones like another of my colleagues at work. You know the type: the Daniel Hannam's or Nadine Dorries of this world (or the chap Muhamad mentions) who seem to actively enjoy flaunting their sociopathy, revelling in their imagined iconoclasty. I imagine characters like Tim Montgomerie and Damian McBride fit squarely into this mould.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, Chris any regular reader of this blog will have spotted that you were taking the piss.

    But do we spot the more devious types taking the piss out of us?

    ReplyDelete
  7. "But do we spot the more devious types taking the piss out of us?"

    It's hard to say, they all look the same. Especially the ones with "foreign" sounding names.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Weggis, to be fair I think that "Tory" knew that I wasn't being completely sincere in my responses, I still treasure this exchange for the revealing little glimpses of his true convictions that I savour, like a slow-melting piece of dark, dark chocolate on my tongue. His contempt for "diversity" is a precious and holy treasure in my personal ideological armoury.

    In all honesty, bar that one message, his responses weren't particularly worthy of condemnation. In light of the vitriol that awaits those who- wittingly or not- expose their vile convictions in public discourse, the purveyors and torch-bearers of such ideologies- closet or otherwise- are most careful these days not to let their true opinions of elf'n'safety gorn mad, politically coreck, soft-touch Britain shine through. So when I posted this I still got a little glow of righteous vindication.

    Muhamad: Its not the ones with foreign sounding names I'm worried about. Its the immigrants with beautiful, English-sounding names like Clegg, Howard and Straw that scare the living shit out of me!

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to share your opinions of my opinions. Oh- and cocking fuckmouse.